Aoyagi Ritsuka

aritsuka @ 2006-04-19T14:43:00

2006-04-19T21:50:56Z

Soubi and I have moved the wedding from June to May, which means there's less than a month to go.

aritsuka @ 2006-01-11T20:09:00

2006-01-12T04:16:30Z

I spent some time in my old dorm room last night, making sure Soubi caught everything when he moved my things to the apartment (I wasn't even around when he did, how rude). It was weird to think I wouldn't be coming back to the room, especially after spending so many months there and going through so many different roommates.

It's going to be lonely in the apartment once Soubi leaves.

ooc: late, I know ^_^

2005-12-28T04:57:21Z

Table top easel
Studio easel
Sketch box

Sketch books: four, in the following sizes:
11x14 (28cm by 35cm)
8x11 (20cm by 28cm)
5.5x8.5 (14cm by 21cm)
4x6 (10cm by 15cm)

This oil painting set (details)

This charcoal set (details)

This brush set (details)
This brush set (no picture, links to details)

A Ritsuka plushie (made by Ritsuka himself)

Two photo albums, each containing pictures taken while they were out 'making memories'.

aritsuka @ 2005-12-17T09:55:00

2005-12-17T17:55:56Z

I have yet a new roommate. Maybe this one I'll actually see around.

aritsuka @ 2005-11-23T13:09:00

2005-11-23T21:11:17Z

I have to find formal clothes by Friday.

aritsuka @ 2005-11-06T14:06:00

2005-11-06T22:18:20Z

They've given me another roommate; I wonder if this roommate will stay and if I'll actually meet him. It's sad to go through three roommates without actually meeting any of them.

I believe I've upset my brother. Considering that before he left, I would have done anything to make him happy and he never seemed angry with me at all, the thought that I have made him upset has left me feeling upset in return.

After seeing Seimei, though, I made my way to the cafe for the first time since arriving on campus and realized it's not as bad as someone once told me, and it helped get my mind off of the conversation I had with Seimei. Soubi and Natsuo where there, which didn't surprise me; what did surprise me was seeing Youji. It was nice seeing him again, and knowing that he was going to be around permentantly.

Soubi, I still intend to keep that promise to you.

aritsuka @ 2005-10-31T00:26:00

2005-10-31T08:26:45Z

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

aritsuka @ 2005-10-25T21:29:00

2005-10-26T04:33:31Z

private

I dreamt I was dying today; dreamt during a nap between classes, a futile attempt at catching up on the sleep I have been missing at night. I dreamt I was dying and knew it was a dream, but couldn't force myself up, because it felt as though I couldn't move, couldn't lift anything, couldn't even breathe. And I wondered, if I die in my dreams, do I die in reality? Does the self that is current, the Ritsuka I am now, disappear, and the real Ritsuka appear, if that happens?

It's rare that I remember dreams. In fact, I can't remember the last dream I had, up until now. Psychology insists that everyone dreams, but that doesn't mean we remember the dreams, or even the aspect of dreaming itself. I'm shocked I actually remembered it, and knew I was dreaming while it was taking place. But it's more the context of the dream that upsets me, shocks me, makes me probe into thoughts I wish I didn't have. It's been a while since I've thought about things like that, because everything had settled down into a semblance of normalcy, and I felt... safe? maybe - enough to forget about it. Years have passed since then, and between realizing that the things I have right now are enough and sessions with my psychologist, it wasn't something I needed to keep thinking about.

But everything isn't simple anymore, even if I could call them simple before this. They're a lot more complex, and I'm not sure who to believe, or what to believe, or even what to think anymore. They're the two most important people in my life and it's all so confusing, the doubts in my mind and the words I want to believe in my heart.

/private

aritsuka @ 2005-10-24T19:14:00

2005-10-25T02:22:18Z

Soubi admitted he is a pervert, at least in one aspect. I was pleased that he finally admitted to it (because he is). Natsuo, thank you for the suggestion and for going shopping with me the other day; it went over a lot better than I had expected.

I finally saw Seimei the other night, and immediately afterwards, sought out Soubi, who was, thankfully, back on campus; had he not been around, I was afraid of what my mind would have thought up. It helped to have him tell me the fears planted in my mind by a few things Seimei mentioned were false. Some of those fears still remain, though, lingering after thoughts of 'what if', and I can't help but wonder about the entire situation. Part of me dreads the day the three of us meet face to face.

aritsuka @ 2005-10-19T19:38:00

2005-10-20T02:53:22Z

I have spent too much time during the afternoons and evenings neglecting my studies and taking photographs; consquently, my homework and reading is piling up and my desk is going to end up covered with framed photos of meaningless things. I'll have more photoalbums to fill up too, once I print all of these out.

It's much easier to sleep when curled up next to someone, although becoming reliant on someone else to help you sleep isn't a good idea: when they're gone, it's almost impossible to sleep. If I'm still unable to sleep, I think I'll pick up some sleeping pills on my next trip to the store. Actually, I think I will, because it seems even when I do sleep, I'm plagued by some undescribleable emotion that makes me wonder if something's going to happen soon.

aritsuka @ 2005-10-11T14:54:00

2005-10-11T21:58:11Z

I've gained a new roommate; my old roommate, who I never did meet, gathered his stuff the other day and disappeared. It was quite a surprise to realize I had a new roommate, they never warned me or anything. I wonder if this roommate will stay.

The insomnia that hit Soubi last week has carried over to me; I spent most of the past few nights wandering around the campus, and even off campus, simply because I haven't been able to sleep and staying in the room, after spending all week in there, wasn't too appealing. I'm hoping it's just temporary, and that I'll be able to sleep soon, since this lack of sleep doesn't really agree with class or my attitude. I hate when my sleep cycles are thrown off.

Voicemail

2005-10-03T07:34:34Z

x20132
(2nd Floor, Room 013, Occupant 2)

"This is Aoyagi. I can't get to the phone right now, so leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

Beep.

aritsuka @ 2005-09-30T21:00:00

2005-10-01T04:00:23Z

I finally moved into my dorm this evening, after realizing that tomorrow was the deadline for moving in. I wish I had waited until the morning to move in, it's far too hot in the room, and makes unpacking and setting everything up uncomfortable. Maybe I'll wait to unpack until later, after exploring the dorms.

aritsuka @ 2005-09-28T00:46:00

2005-09-28T07:50:34Z

I'm moving into my dorm tomorrow; finally I can unpack and get settled in. I have a feeling I'm not going to be friends with my roommate, but at least we understand each other. Funny, I come to college to escape a place I didn't feel comfortable, only to discover another similiar place.

At least, it won't be as bad as home.

Happy Birthday, Soubi.

aritsuka @ 2005-09-26T08:48:00

2005-09-26T16:08:01Z

There are times when I wonder if I'm doing the right thing, leaving home to go to college, earlier than most people would leave. I wonder if Mother will be okay, without me there; but then, I look at a random scar and I think she's better off without me being there. At least this way, there are no reminders of what she lost at home. And it's better for me. I can explore the things I love in peace.

I'm majoring in philosophy. They told me it would have little practial use for the future, unless I went into law or teaching, but not even the lack of a firm, solid future to look towards or the thought of the amount of work I must do was enough to deter me from my choosen major. I discovered it when I stumbled upon Nietzsche years back, and it was only the beginning of what most would deem an obsession (I, however, disagree; I'm not obsessed with the subject, just more interested in it than the ramblings of the flightly girls who were in my class, or the idols everyone gushed about. Why would I care about the stupid idols?)

A friend mentioned I should have picked up a minor, in photography, and I had briefly considered it, for a moment or two. But my camera is too close to my heart; pictures hold too much of a meaning for me to take classes on it. If my pictures are not as good as they could be, then that is fine with me; they are there for a reason, not for artistic value.